Sweden: Not Quite Perfect?

‘Do you see that rock?’ I asked, pointing straight ahead. ‘The big rock next to the other big rock. The one that’s surrounded by water. That’s where we’re headed.’

We were in an archipelago. All around us, big rocks towered next to other big rocks, and all of them were surrounded by water. When my family failed to grasp my expert directions, I chose a different tactic: ‘This way,’ I said, pointing my very long nose towards the rock in question, and set off.

I should clarify that I am not bringing into doubt the perfect formation of my own nose, but instead referring to that of the sea kayak. These charming boats were to serve us well in the island-spotted waters off the west coast of Sweden.

Some paddle-strokes later, we had arrived! The big rock and small water was enlivened by some grass, on which we promptly pitched our tents. Just as Dad started cooking the evening meal, it began to rain, so we left him to it. He was in his element.

After we’d enjoyed our dinner, which tasted so much better for us being warm and dry and not having cooked it, the rain stopped. We went for a walk to the top of the big rock behind our makeshift campsite and admired the other big rocks across the water. From this altitude, it was possible to tell them apart and they were rather aesthetically pleasing.

The sun dipped below the horizon at half ten and we were plunged into a pearly twilight for the rest of the night. I hugged a hummock in my tent and didn’t get much sleep.

The next two-and-a-half days followed a similar pattern. We paddled into the nearest mainland marina each morning to replenish our supply of fresh water, and then zigzagged our way to another remote island to swim in the silky water and set up camp beneath a cloudless sky that never quite got dark. You could say it was idyllic.

After we had reluctantly returned our boats, we set our sights for Gothenburg, Sweden’s second-largest city. A friendly sailing instructor helped us decipher the incomprehensible Swedish on the railway platform (despite what they say, neither English nor German are very similar to Swedish) and told us about the country’s ambition to become cash-free in the next ten years. It even seems like debit and credit cards are becoming redundant. ‘It’s just so much easier if you pay for everything on your mobile phone,’ she explained. ‘There’s an app for most things or you can bank transfer.’

In the city, we wandered along cobbled streets and gazed into eloquent shop windows displaying an exhibition of items we could not afford. We tried to rent out city bikes – and tried again – and again – before the woman in the tourist office told us not to bother. She sighed and shook her head. ‘We have no end of difficulties with them. I’d just walk if I were you. It’s not worth trying to use the bikes.’

Not everything in Sweden is perfect, then.

Of course, we didn’t listen to her advice – and finally, the four of us were gliding through the sparkling city like swans. Pedalling furiously.

I have nothing to say against Swedish food. Fika, for example. I am very happy to partake in coffee and cake in the afternoon. I am also far from averse to fish. Especially fresh fish.

When it came to drinking alcohol in Sweden, however, things became a little more complicated.

‘Are you going to be sitting inside or outside?’ the barman asked when I went for a drink with Abe, a friend from Durham. ‘Because if you’re going to be sitting outside, I’ll have to carry the drink to the table for you.’ He shrugged apologetically when I looked at him in confusion. ‘Swedish alcohol rules.’

Sitting at raised seats ‘off the street’ yet very much outside, Abe explained that Sweden has a drinking problem. You can’t buy alcohol higher than 3.5% from supermarkets; instead, you have to go to specific wine stores from which you will probably come away penniless. It didn’t seem to bother him too much, though. Not when he could pretend to be English. ‘People are just so much more interested in you if they think you’re English,’ he said.

Perfection is relative, I suppose.